Jiggs: A Text

THIS WEEKEND ROCKED.



and with that being said, im going to go sleep for 13 hours.

this is me wasting time.
this is me not reading 3 more articles that are sitting inside the reader to my right, on this worn down brown leather couch.
this is me not going to my class at 10:45 because some arrogant bastards blocked my car in and if i leave it here and go to class, I will get a ticket.
this is me eating Lucky Charms out of a silver metal mixing bowl because our sink spews out something of the likes of vomit whenever you turn it on, so the idea of doing the dishes, stays simply an idea.
this is me wanting to lay in the grass and read my book instead of taking a midterm at 3:15 today.
this is me missing a lot of people who are all over the world right now, and this is me realizing that i will see most of them in 5 weeks and not see many of them for a long time in 5 weeks.
this is me excited to spend the next 2 days with Taylor with a possible dash of Angela and Sara.
this is me wasting time.

im packing right now for a summer full of new people. i dont know if i ever want to come back to monrovia. we will see what happens in a year when i have to make that decision but this place has nothing left for me. my parents are the only people in this town that i wouldnt mind having a conversation with.

i didnt realize how much my life has changed until it did. the past few months i would sit and get nostalgic of all old times. times like all of high school and singers and old friendships. now that ive returned for a month, i have finally grasped that these are things that ended for a reason. i might miss memories and the ideas of people who used to be in my life but i have realized that there is a definite reason why they are not in my life anymore and i had to make the mistake of spending time with them to learn this. ill miss the memories, ill miss how people once were, but i dont need the new them in my life. we arent the same people as we used to be. the people in my life now are the people i choose to have in my life. i dont want others self-destruction to pull me down.

im going to watch self-indulgent movies and pack my room tonight. i am actually really excited for it.

i finished reading Killing Yourself To Live for the 3rd time today.


"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
— Chuck Klosterman (Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story)

nicole kidman's eyebrows in Moulin Rouge are effing awesome.
i really want cheesy mashed potatoes.
or anything with ranch dressing.
and also, a pickle.
i really hope that there is nothing bad growing in my chest.
anoncon 08, we barely knew ye.
chugging a beer in a berkeley lecture hall is kinda the most legit thing i have ever done.
going to cheeseboard tomorrow.
might be the last of the semester.
9 or 10 more days here. kinda lame.
ill miss it over the summer.

summer of monrovia, chino, ucla, carlsbad, and santa barbara with possible trips to vegas and utah.
that will hold me over until fall.




i still want potatoes.

sometimes life is just really fucking fun.
and that is life at this moment.

too bad finals are around the corner.

but seriously, im just really happy all the time and that is a really cool feeling. (you should try it sometime.)

i cant sleep because every scene from the past 2 years of my life keep playing in my head.

Im watching Pleasantville for the first time since I was 11 and I now completely understand the scene when the mom takes a bath.


oh little innocent me at age 11.

i brought wheat thins and easy cheese to rehearsal last night.
people responded by saying "haha, you would."

is there something about me that makes someone assume i eat easy cheese. that is a very unique personality type.


i re dyed my hair. no roots.
and mi padres are coming up this weekend to see my "fabulous" show.

everyone has a song that they think...wow, that is an epic "doing it" song...
mine is "Nights in White Satin"--Moody Blues.

what is yours?



tech week sucks. i pretty much have no time for anything else.
all i really want is a couch (see last post), a box of pizza, brownies, reality tv, and a buddy.

this may sound REALLY strange but I have never missed a couch so much. Not a single couch. Its not as if I am missing a memory of a certain couch that i used to sit on with any special someone or anything. I just miss the function of a couch. You can sit, lay, chill on a couch for a large portion of your day watching tv and people wont really judge you. However, if all you have is a bed, people will probably judge you for laying in bed all day. Why is this? It's the exact same action, but one piece of furniture is connected to long sleeps while the other is connected to small naps, relaxing, etc.

I need a couch.

here are some thoughts:

1. why are the women's bathroom stalls in GPB so small that I have to lean against the wall, over the toilet, to get myself in so I can close the door with my backpack on?

2. why is my usually superhuman immune system taking a break from eating all the grossies and wasting my and it's time sucking balls?

3. why do I always start a semester with the mindset of "im going to do my readings on time!" and then the day before a midterm think "crap! i have to read 5 plays!"

4. why do i have 2 midterms and a paper due tomorrow.

5. why have i not done any work towards mastering these topics or finishing this paper? instead...i write this unnecessary list.

6. why did late night and the GBC fool me by having really good chicken for a week and now switching back to the old stuff?

7. why did i download a website tracker so that I can learn how much time I waste a day online and instead of learning that I waste time, I spend more time online so that I can check the tracker and watch the numbers change?

i am psychoanalyzing a scene from American Psycho for my Mass Comm paper.
i have never seen this movie and i dont think i will ever be able to now.
i cant even sit through this one scene. seriously, i havent finished watching the scene.
it is 6:50pm, still light outside, my room is lit, my roommate and both suitemates are here and it still scared the shit out of me. and i havent even FINISHED.

someone NEEDS to watch this with me. i need a shoulder to dig my fingernails into.
do not fret my pets, they are cut, so you wont bleed. badly.


oh dear lord oh dear lord oh dear lord.
i really am such a scared little girl sometimes.

its hard to choose between catching up on thousands of pages of reading, cleaning my disgusting room/doing 3 loads of laundry, or getting a sammy at the den.
wait, this is not a question at all...once i finish this lack luster entry im getting a samich with turkey and provalone and it will be good and i will be happy.

So I have to share this with someone because I find it all too incidental making it, at least in my mind, not incidental at all.

In my First Amendment stupid retarded class, we will talk about my hatred for it another time, there is this guy named Shawn (or Sean, but for reasons that are to come, Im sticking with the spelling of Shawn), who always always talks. Now I am not the student who hates on people who talk in lecture. That is if what you have to say is relevant. Thankfully, Mr. Shawn seems to usually have a reason for what he is saying. Anyway, this guy looks like the spitting image of Ryder Strong but with a Berkeley spin. Yes, Ryder Strong as in SHAWN Hunter from Boy Meets World. I don't really have an theories or anything else to analyze with this information but I still find it weird and kinda awesome and it gets me through my worst class of the semester.

Now, I will have a sandwich.

AND...
im really torn up about Heath Ledger's death. I have been going on and on to anyone I could tell about how excited I am about his performance as the Joker and how talented he has become...this literally was just a few days ago...

over 7 different people have told me that they saw the movie Juno and the character reminded them of me.

to me, this is awesome.
that character rocked socks.


this makes me come to the conclusion that i, in fact, also rock socks.



sweet.

i havent watched garden state in almost a year. it will always be so good to me.
eating chocolate and popcorn is such a good way to spend a sunday afternoon.
ice skating tomorrow. studying til thursday. come home friday.
im so ready to go on some adventures when im home. late night drives into hollywood.
or just chillin in the IE.

movie is over. i guess i should keep cleaning.

i think im going to vomit.
my itunes has an obscene sense of humor.
it just played mad world was i was searching through old pictures that i completely forgot existed.

wow.
wait wait. i meant OW.

come on OH-SEVEN. work with me.

oh and ps- i love my best friend.
and she is my rock, my everything, my one and only soul mate.

christine is my constant, and i love her.

tonight is an emo night. so watch out. im even wearing my fingerless gloves.

i have become the person to go to with your problems. Maybe it is because I seem stronger than most, or I seem like I don't have my fair share of problems. And there are some people I am willing to help. I realize that I am far healthier compared to some people, Im even resorting to helping a friend find professional help, but sometimes everyones negativity can take a toll. I even stated to Serena today that "Im going to try to optomisitic this year. See how it works out for me."

My favorite thing to tell people is that no matter how much you bitch and complain, hearing someone else bitch and complain isn't going to help. That's why I just sit & listen. Im not going to say, "Yea. thats just like this one time when..." or, "well that sucks. want to hear what sucks more?..." No. Hearing how crappy something is doesn't make your problem any less crappy. That's like saying that if I have a headache, but my friend has cancer, that my head doesn't hurt. It's still a problem. It still hurts.

Also, I understand that people love revenge. I also understand that if everyone sought out revenge, every single person will get whats coming to them. I don't care what you say.
Every person has used someone, and has been used by someone.
I know I have done both. It's a shitty thing to realize, but it's the truth. So really if someone doesn't become the bigger person and just know that shit happens, revenge is going to start taking a ridiculous turn in a circle with no corners. I'm here to say, I'm going to be the bigger person. And it pains me to know how good of a weapon I have against you, but hell, I'm growing up.

I'm also a realist. I also fucking love it.

Life is ridiculous beyond belief, but understand that no one is liked by everyone is a great way to live. See the realist coming out? You can all hate me for as much as you want, because mainly, I know that how ever bad I screw up, I have a main core of friends who will turn to me and say, "Way to go dipshit," and then, continue being my friend.

So honestly, everyone is nice to have around, but I have all that I need.